Merry 3mas!

Board Troll

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Joined
12/04/2016
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525
'Twas the night before 3mas, when all through the Fen
Not a creature was dying, not even the men;
The candles were lit by the marshes with care,
In hopes that the swampdonkey soon would be there;
The young trolls were nestled all snug in their sacks,
With visions of victory when the humans attacked ;
And mamma with her lightning, and I with my club,
Had just bashed in some brains and full bellies we rub,
When out in the night there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the marsh to see what was the matter.
Away to the willows I flew in a flash,
Peered through the reeds I let out a gasp;
The moon all aglow on the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of magic to trollfens below,
When, what to my ambassador eyes should behold,
But a massive swamodonkey so ugly and bold!
With bogflies about him, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it wasn't a trick.
More rapid than jesters his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called me by name;
"You dumb ugly troll now is it me or am I trippin
or do smell like a hot fart that my posterior was rippin?
From the edge of the swamp! to the sands that do squall
Your stench is by far the most awful of all! "
As leaves that are brittle as the mummies that die,
He ripped a dry fart that smelled so awful I cried;
It filled up the fens with it's stench that was gory,
With the power of a rotting carcass in all of it's glory.
And then, after barfing, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each of his hoofs.
As I swiveled my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the swampdonkey came in a bound.
He was covered all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his buttocks were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of gifts he had strapped on his back,
Looking like a noble steed that was addicted to crack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! and his teeth were so hairy!
His cheeks were all warted, was he eating a fairy?
His drooling mouth was the color of crow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of an arm he held tight in his teeth,
And the blood it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a hideous face and a rather large belly,
That shook when he flatulated, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was ugly and hairless, a right hideous old mule,
And I laughed when I saw him, I was always the fool;
A narrowing of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I was soon to be dead;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the bogholes; then turned with a jerk,
Then blowing a booger from out of his nose,
And giving nod, up the chimney he rose;
I cried out "Don't go! " as he was leaving the fens,
And I prayed to the star of David that I'd see him again.
But I heard him exclaim, as he trotted out of sight,
"Merry 3mas to all, and to all a good-night."
 

Dimidium

New Member
Joined
11/07/2016
Messages
552
That was pretty damn epic. I sincerely hope you get a swamp donkey in EK for Christmas.

I had quite a few laughs out of that one.
 

DavidBVal

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28/02/2015
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7,427
It is that time of the year, when even Trolls feel like sharing their love!

May your happiness always regenerate, my friend.
 

Elldar

New Member
Joined
22/08/2016
Messages
91
Haven't read such a trippy text in a while. :D That's quite the imagination you have.

Now the only thing that could make this tale any better is having some sort of background Threemas music to go along with it.
 

Board Troll

New Member
Joined
12/04/2016
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525
If you're reading this, know that right now, we in the majestic trollfens are wishing you and your family a very merry christmas.
 

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