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PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 7:13 pm 
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MODERATION EDIT: please read the forum rules, in particular point 3 (off-limits topics). We removed the content that violates the rule and the poster gets a warning.


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He has one eye so should be "his eye focuses" also take out the his in the second sentence reffering to his body. its a reduntant "his" as we already know se are talking about his body. So it all sounds smoother. "But then his face sombers and he seems to grow even larger, body tensing like that of a lion." All together "his" is repeated four times and starts sounding odd. So it might also be good to go with "his eye focuses, the madness vanishing" or "the madness starts to vanish as he focuses with his unscarred eye" this one gives a better descriptive value to his face though not so needed when you have a good picture next to the text. Or i suck at this i dunno i hated english (though i got stright a's in it) p.s. that george takei, my two handed beast of a warrior!


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